Want it Need it
by Reasons Lost
Summary: Rainbow Dash provokes Twilight without even knowing it, turning an attraction into a one sided obsession.  T for dark themes. Chapter 1 edited slightly.
1. Am I not good enough?

"_You would think that, Twilight. And that__'s why _**you**_ would never qualify to be my pet.__"_

'Would never qualify.' Twilight wilted internally at that. She didn't understand why, it was a degrading thing to consider. Rainbow Dash's pet? But part of her wanted to qualify. She'd never failed a test before. With her eyebrows lowered, and her eyes tracking the distracted pegasus as she trotted off, she fought down her flush and tried to dismiss it. It _stung_, and heat seemed to radiate from the place Dash's hoof had patted her so condescendingly a moment before. That was it, she shook her head, but she couldn't push it out. The thought of it had been planted in fertile soil. Twilight's mind was obsessive.

For the rest of that day, the unicorn had smiled and cheered for the competitors for everyone to see, but a dedicated ear wouldn't find her voice anywhere in the shouted encouragements. Watching the games, Rainbow's words burned. A bat, eagle, falcon, owl, and a tortoise. Better than her? A stinging and irrational thought. Logically, she knew that, somewhere. She just couldn't make herself understand the simple difference. Could she have won the competition? As the day wore on... She doubted it. She wasn't an athlete, and she couldn't even tell apart awesomeness and radicalness. Her eyes weren't even on the competitors, they were on their confident and rambunctious ring-leader. And the self-absorbed pegasus never even noticed it...

And then Dash lost the race. She'd been vulnerable. Perhaps that had been what set her mind when she made it, on the tortoise. 'Tank', she called him, and strange as it was, Twilight Sparkle found herself envious of him. Not necessarily because he was her pet, but because he got to be close to her. She wanted that.

Twilight remained solemn and introspective when Rainbow asked Spike to take a letter.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I used to think that the most important traits to look for in a pet, or in any best friend, were all physical, competitive abilities. But now I can see how shortsighted and shallow that was. Today I learned what the most important quality really is. A certain kind of spirit. A stick-to-it-iveness. A never give up, can-do attitude that's the mark of a real winner. _And this __Tortoise__ has it._"

Wounded, but smiling, Twilight tried to make herself useful, as well as visible."Tenacity!", the perfect word for what Rainbow Dash was describing.

"Gesundheit", was the only reply, and the pegasus was already trotting away. Lagging behind, her teeth ground together and her eyes narrowed, fire igniting in her heart. Tenacity. Tenacity. _Tenacity. __'Fine.__'_, she decided with her hooves set, and the expression on her face began to change. She smiled weakly, but it was an awkward, unreadable smile that would have set the others uneasy. Out of place on the tidy, quiet pony. She wasn't sure why, but she almost wanted to cry. She'd decided though. Twilight Sparkle would 'stick to it', not give up. She didn't really know what on, but she wanted to be better. To 'qualify'. And, unacceptable as it might be, to be closer to that brash, thoughtless pegasus.

~S~

That night had been hard. Almost sleepless. No sooner had Spike passed out than Twilight taken to reducing the library to it's component parts in search of either a solution or a distraction. She waited because really, she knew it was stupid. Immature to be jealous of a tortoise, right? Rainbow Dash wouldn't be closer with Tank than she would with her. But somehow she couldn't believe that. What had been said that morning hurt her pride. She felt inadequate. Particularly next to Rainbow Dash, who she'd always kind of amired. _"Ten seconds flat!__"_, she remembered the prideful pegasus boasting.

She'd been met with disbelief from Twilight Sparkle, who challenged her abilities to see some work done. But Rainbow delivered on it, and left Twilight and Spike absolutely agape. Ever since then, even with her magic, she'd felt like a backdrop to Dash, who just continued to impress her. Even if her ego did get out of line at times. And there she was, sitting in a pile of half-read books about dogs, cats, birds, lizards, pet ownership, pet fashion, pet health, and even the philosophy of such a relationship between hoofed and unhoofed kind. This had gone too far, and the unicorn knew it. She needed sleep.

With her eyelids half-hiding her pupils, she slumped forward and gave a frustrated sigh. The lightest touch of a whine slid in uninvited and she tightened her eyes shut. Rising out of her pile of books, Twilight swallowed the small lump in her throat and retreated up the steps to bed with her head hung, mane obscuring her face. When she passed Spike, it gave her pause. Was he a pet? Or an assistant? Where was the line...? He was certainly her friend. She cared for him. He wasn't a pony, though. Their relationship had a certain dynamic, he did as she said, she cared for him. Everything in the books pointed to her dominance and care as the top half of a master and pet relationship. Spike was her pet, and her friend as well. Smiling tiredly, she closed her eyes, hiding the away the bright coloured rings, and the tightly wound pupils inside them. That thought brought her comfort. An uneasy sort of comfort, that may not have added up to others, but it did the job. And it allowed her to, finally, fall asleep.


	2. So Obvious

"_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Yesterday I learned that I want to be something less than I am... And I have no idea what that means."_

"Twilight?", the boisterous, male voice of her assistant. _He_ was waking _her_ up? "Twilight, you slept in.", when her eyes opened, she knew that was true... The sun was up, and warm on her face. _Rainbow Dash_ had woken up and started her duties before the unicorn had even opened her eyes. Too little sleep the night before, her body had forced a little catch up on her, which would force a little catch up on her errands and tasks in-turn. Frowning up at the dragon through bleary vision, she closed her eyes and rolled over for a moment, throat feeling closed off.

Morning was cruel to her. That was how it felt, cruel. Twilight awoke with sand in her eyes and glass in her heart. She was sure she'd dreamt something terrible, but she couldn't remember it. Her chest ached like she'd lost someone dear. She hadn't, of course. Everything was fine. She was just exhausted, and once her mind cleared, a little bit embarrassed. With an unusual amount of effort, she finally did dismount her mattress and get herself in order. She couldn't make eye contact with Spike until after breakfast.

"Is everything all right?", Spike had asked. And with good reason, The dragon knew her well enough by now, possibly better than anyone. Normally Twilight didn't sleep in, she didn't quietly nudge her plate during breakfast instead of eating when she had things to do, and she never avoided eye contact so determinedly. Anything but a 'no' would have been a lie. The mare looked up briefly, and slowly shook her head from side to side just once, and excused herself to the washroom without having eaten.

Looking into the mirror she canted her head just so, raising her chin. Twilight found herself smiling gently. It was a silly thought, but she felt like she had a pretty neck. Her mane was kept simple and neat along her crest, and she was slender. Imagining herself in a collar, she actually felt all right with it. That was silly, and she chuckled gently to herself, waving a hoof at the idea and dispersing it. Twilight didn't really care for fashion, just tidiness and hygiene. She was a very simple form of pretty. That worked and that was enough, but, maybe later she'd visit Rarity. Why not?

~S~

Not a cloud in the sky, she'd cleared the weather for Ponyville even faster than usual, and landed in Sweet Apple Acres in time to wave Apple Bloom off to school. Once the filly disappeared behind the shut gate, Dash turned her attention to her older sister. Smiling broadly and confidently, Rainbow did not so much trot toward Apple Jack as strut. The pegasus wore her standard, competitive look, and stopped just close enough to the earth pony that she could be seen as in her space. Anyone else would have backed down under that stare, that Apple Jack seemed incapable of it only broadened the pegasus' grin.

"Well, wouldja look at that.", Apple Jack said with a smirk. "You're awake, _and _on time.", she was'nt really surprised. But it worked as a decent enough jab at her friend and rival. Rainbow Dash had been 'busy' napping many times Apple Jack had asked for her help. Not today.

"Yeah, yeah...", Dash replied, her tone sounded dismissive, like she'd roll her eyes, but they remained locked on the green circles beneath Apple Jack's brimmed hat. "Just remember, you promised to help me after we're done. I've got a new stunt that will knock you flat." With that, she flipped her mane and turned to look in the direction of the orchard. "C'mon, you wouldn't want to be left behind at _apple_ bucking, would you, Apple Jack?"

They started walking together, looking at each other sidelong as they went. This was the nature of their friendship, competition and a constant challenge. They were rivals. Tension between them was near permanent, and it was hard to tell if they were racing or running together at any given moment. Fighting and arguing? Or playing around? Even they seemed to be unable to tell. Or maybe they just didn't care, if it crossed their minds at all.

They might have gotten somepony with a starter's pistol to set them off, had they needed it. Each stood facing the other from beneath their chosen starting tree. With their eyes locked, they stalled for a few moments. Anticipation building as neither made a false start. Finally they nodded and threw their hind legs back in perfect synchronicity. The pair began to work in unison, galloping back and forth, shifting barrels and buckets filled with apples, and of course, bucking trees. A normally mundane task had become a full on event, and neither spared effort or paced themselves. One pony's full work day could fly by at this pace.

With neither one gaining a real lead, though some might speculate Apple Jack just slightly ahead, they crossed the quota line and then some. Unless she sold well above her expectations, the earth pony wouldn't actually _need_ to buck again for a few days, though she would do it anyway.

"Well..." , she panted, "wouldja lookit that?", it was oh so smug despite her fatigue. "I suppose I kept up just fine, Are Dee.", a hoof clopping the ground punctuated this. Rainbow Dash brushed it off.

"Oh, yeah? Well I was just saving my energy for flight practice.", her chin lifted and eyes closed, but she openned them and smiled at AppleJack a moment later. "And... I didn't use my wings.", Rainbow fluttered the feathered limbs once for emphasis and planted her plot on the ground, "So. Ready?", there was that grin again. Challenging her rival. AppleJack paused... She wasn't sure she liked that, but she nodded.

"Alright then, Sugarcube. What exactly do you need me to do...?", that grin on Rainbow's face. _'Ah, crap, shoulda asked that first, silly filly.'_, was all the cowgirl could think.

"Well, AppleJack... How much-", pause for dramatic effect, "-do you trust me?", there it was. Hesitance made it's way into the blonde, and she looked around wondering what the pegasus planned. Her mind began to race, what could be so involved for her? She couldn't fly like Dash. She was grounded and wingless, and that was exactly how she liked it.

"Now you just hold onto your britches, little pony.", she protested. "Yer not thinkin' about haulin' my ground-lovin' hide up skyward, are yeh?", her smile took on a particularly nervous and strained quality, eyes shrinking as she backed away from the pegasus. "That'd be a might irresponsible, what with me lacking wings and all, is what I me-"

Rainbow Dash interrupted her with a flat "AppleJack.", and picked up an apple from one of the nearby baskets. "Hold this and come with me.", she said, thrusting the fruit forward for AppleJack to take into her mouth with a sigh of relief, followed by the slightest touch of resentment at following such a direction.

With not another word, Dash raised her rump and led her companion out away from the trees, and into a field. Somewhere a bit more conducive to stunt flight without destroying her friend's livelihood. There, she stopped and turned to face the orange-blonde pony, taking the apple from her mouth and placing it atop her hat.

"There.", she stated with satisfaction. "All you have to do is hold it like that.", with another smug grin she leaned in so their muzzles pushed against one another. "Think you can handle it?", as if holding an apple would be the hardest thing anyone had ever done. The earth pony rolled her eyes and planted her plot. That was good enough for Rainbow, who smiled almost sweetly and took off like a rocket.

Once she was in the air she was free, her whole perception of the world shifted. The ground fell away and it was just her, it felt good, like all her weight had shifted to the center of her gut, and left her heart weightless in her chest. Even though AppleJack waited on the ground below, Rainbow took her time. She'd earned this, worked hard, and the earth pony could wait, just a little. Besides, she liked the idea of the orange mare watching her. Twisting to the side, she began her show. Something she'd worked on just for her friend, looping rapidly and spiraling toward the earth, she began to trail a stream of multi-coloured light behind her as she picked up speed. Her eyes began to water as the wind rushed past. Free, totally free.

From where she sat with that ridiculous apple on her head, AppleJack could only watch her speed toward the rock-hard floor of the field. It didn't last long, just long enough for her heart to skip a beat. Thud, thud, crash went the sounds in her head and chest, she held her breath. Rainbow Dash reeled and plummeted until there was simply no time left to pull up. Her wings strained and struggled, beating against her power dive, and somehow she prevailed. Zipping past AppleJack in a blur, all the terrified pony could make out was the pegasus' excited grin while her hooves flew up to secure her hat and the apple. Her friend passed her again on her opposite side, leaving behind that odd rainbow patterned after trail, and turning back fast enough to create a second at an angle to it. She curved outward, creating a wide half circle before meeting a sharp angle at the bottom, leaving AppleJack seated inside an "M" shape atop the inverted point. The farmfilly couldn't see what Rainbow Dash had drawn from her place on the ground, but as Rainbow Dash soared upward again, she had just enough time to watch the heart she'd drawn fade.

Snapping her head forward and picking up the pace, Dash prepared herself for the main event. She'd practiced this very carefully, an error could hurt her or AppleJack, and badly. That's why when she messed this up, she'd know exactly how fast to fly, and just how to catch her friend when she 'crashed'. Mentally, she directed herself as she drew her intricate, twisting bow in the sky. Loop, pull, reel, loop, higher, tighter. She wound it down just as she'd planned and then dove down at a wide angled curve, pulling up straight for the earth pony, eyes locked on her and wearing that reckless, overconfident grin.

Eye contact, queue for a 'stumble'. Her wings tilted up catching against the air as she moved forward and acting like parachutes. She knew her exact mark, and began to flail her legs for show, rearing her head back and creating as much drag as possible while losing her aerodynamic posture. AppleJack looked stunned for the split second before Rainbow Dash crashed into her, seating her forelegs under the other mare's and throwing her hindquarters up to initiate a roll as they came forward and passed over AppleJack's head.

They rolled together for a surprising distance, eyes clenched shut and muscles tensed. Rainbow Dash was fully expecting an errant hoof from her friend that thankfully never came. Her wings fanned out in an attempt to steady their tumble and her eyes opened when she intended to end it, hooves splaying to position her overtop the other filly.

AppleJack had no part of that, however, and kicked into her abdomen, continuing the roll one for one more rotation before she came out on top instead. Competitive at everything. She glared down at Rainbow Dash with her eyes narrowed and smile long gone, hat and apple missing alike. Her mane hung beside them while she pressed her nose against the cyan pegasus' muzzle, and she began to speak harshly.

"You. Did that. On purpose.", she breathed into the pegasus' face in the accusing sort of tone that brought colour to her cheeks and a nervous smile to her mouth. Caught, Rainbow Dash didn't know what to say. She could deny _why_ she'd done it at least. Maybe? Her face warmed and she knew it must be visible to her friend as her eyes shrunk away, but she had to see this and looked back up at AppleJack quickly, right into her eyes. She wanted to know.

~S~

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews. It's nice to see my story being enjoyed. This was started mostly just for me, heh. Author appeal.

I'm a bit of a slow writer, but I'm very open to criticism. Please keep the feedback coming.


	3. Pretty

_"Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Today I tried to be pretty. I just don't know what pretty is, I guess. Or why I wanted it."_

Rarity paused in her work, red frames resting gracefully in front of her eyes as she created. It looked effortless to her. She worked without a blue print, more just an idea and a guideline. No mere trendy fashionista, Rarity was a creator. A busy creator who sighed for a moment when the door to her boutique opened, but put on her best customer serving smile and set down her work. Twilight Sparkle cantered inside looking oddly sheepish, and immediately setting off the more experienced white mare's intuition. Her head took a tilt to the side and she spoke.

"Oh! Twilight! How _lovely_ to see you!", she began, trotting closer. "What's on your mind, dear? You look frazzled! Oh, and those circles under your eyes! Did you not sleep?", Rarity would tell, and the purple unicorn gave a disconcerted look as she raised one hoof and lowered her head. Her lips curled barely and she forced a laugh. This might have been a terrible idea, Rarity had an odd ability to read her emotions, but she shook her head. It was too late by then, and she might as well go through with it.

"Oh, well. I... Uh. It's just that I felt like a new accessory, a uh... A necklace, maybe. And who better to go to, right?", queue shaky grin. It was all Rarity could do to return the smile without raising her eyebrows all too much.

"Yes... Of course. Come with me.", came the reply and Twilight was led into the back where Rarity did all of her most demanding work. The white unicorn waved her up onto the slightly raised platform while carrying the mannequin occupying the space away with her magic. "Now, Twilight, aside from AppleJack, you're the one pony I least expected to come here.", she expressed with a twist of her neck, allowing her perfectly groomed _coiffure _to hang just so. Her face showed concern, eyes softening toward her purple pony friend while she spoke. "Something's wrong.", a statement. There was no question to it other than whether Twilight would divulge. In the face of her friend's persistence Twilight shrunk slightly, showing more tooth in her increasingly unhealthy smile.

"It-It's just that-", her voice shook and protested, forcing the mare to swallow before she could continue. "I just want...", want what? A 'necklace'? No, not really. What she wanted was much more complicated than that, and hard to put into a coherent thought. "To feel pretty, Rarity. I want to feel pretty.", it was close enough to the truth that it deflated her, eyes and head alike slinging low and bringing a noticeable blush to her cheeks. She was terrified Rarity would ask her who exactly she wanted to look pretty for, especially since Twilight Sparkle wasn't sure herself. It could have been for her, or for Rainbow Dash. '_What a stupid thing to think. She wouldn't even notice.'_, she thought to herself, and it just filled her with shame. She felt wasted and wrong, and not a little lonely. But it was enough, and the white mare gave her a sympathetic frown, dropping the issue.

"Okay, darling. Show me what you'd like.", she offered weakly, and began pulling over odds and ends, measuring the mare's neck and showing her pre-cut templates. Most of it was lost in a haze to Twilight. She knew what she really wanted, but she answered questions, nodded here, shook her head there. Mostly she stared out the window. When Rarity asked her for specifics she grew bold, however, and picked up her quill with magic and drew her idea for something 'Tight, kind of like a choker, I guess...'. It was a thick leather band, dark coloured, buckling at the side with a D shaped metal ring on it's front that had a simple, rounded brass cat-bell dangling from it. A collar, plain to see, and Rarity wasn't fooled. She also wasn't cruel.

"Yes, a choker. How fetching.", she assured her friend with a small, forced laugh. It really would suit the mare's frame. "Raise your chin, dear, and I'll get to work." she said, and Twilight complied, happily going back to staring out the window. Looking away from her friend's face was an immense relief to her, it was hard to get anything by her and both knew it.

While the creator went to work, the purple mare stared off in to the sky wishing for some sight of cloud to distract her from her embarrassment. There was nothing out there but blue and she sighed, immensely unsure of herself. What she saw reassured her. Up from the horizon shot a streaming spectrum of multicoloured light she'd only ever seen trail behind one pony. Her eyes lit up, smile returning to her in a softer, saner shape while she watched the pegasus loop and spin in an intricate and curving display. She was free, in total control and unrestrained, while Twilight sat in Rarity's boutique getting fitted for a collar. That amused her, rather than upsetting her it just made her feel like she was right to feel how she did. How she always had, just a little.

Rarity hadn't been oblivious to it. As she worked the other unicorn's posture changed, slackening as her muscles relaxed and her breath slowed. When she stopped her work for a moment to follow Twilight's gaze it brought an oddly bitter frown to her. That was it then, it was love. Her friend was confused, and wanted to feel pretty. Wanted a collar because of Rainbow, and what she'd said the day before. She shook her head and silently went back to her work. The pegasus eventually disappeared, diving low and disappearing beneath the trees without resurfacing again. After several minutes without sight of her, Twilight closed her eyes and gave a contented sigh.

Rarity's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "There. All done.", she said and smiled up at Twilight briefly before turning to walk to her work table. "No cost, of course.", she added. Confused, Twilight shook her head and looked toward her friend.

"But Rarity it-", the mare's protest was cut off immediately. She knew her bookish friend was on the way to hurting. She couldn't take money for the collar knowing that.

"No, I insist.", her mind had been made. "You're a friend, and it looks good on you, darling. You look... Pretty, Twilight.", it made her friend smile.

"I-Oh... Alright. Thank you.", she replied, trotting to the white unicorn and laying one of her forelegs across her back. Careful not to mess with the surprised filly's _coiffure_ she nuzzled her lightly once at the edge of her jaw, and then turned toward the door. "It's perfect. Thank you so much.", she praised on her way out. Rarity could only stare after her with concern.

~s~

With her back to the ground, and AppleJack's nose pushed directly against hers, backing her solidly against the earth, Rainbow Dash had never felt more thoroughly trapped. And she didn't really mind it. She had nowhere to run to, no way out, pinned more by the filly's eyes than her weight. _So close._ Her heart was pounding too quickly for her to tell time by it, but she felt like she'd trembled nervously for many moments too long, and she grew more anxious by the second.

Her cheeks and the bridge of her muzzle burned with a deep red colour as she forced herself not to look away. And then she kissed her. Pushing her nose forward against AppleJack's, she lifted her chin to bring their lips into contact, closing her eyes to steel her resolve in the gentle touch. It absorbed her, brief as it was. She'd wanted to do it for so, so long, and what she'd seen in the other mare's face was enough to pull it from her. When she opened her eyes again and pulled away, trying to back up without enough room to do so. She couldn't believe that had just happened. A short, soft kiss between them. It left her heart on the verge of surrender, pounding against her ribcage as if determined to escape having to deal with the consequences of her actions.

AppleJack wore a brilliant blush, feeling as though Rainbow had forced the hue into her face. It was almost painful, and her throat formed a tight knot that hurt terribly. She bit back tears, looking away and closing her eyes, but the lids pushed a few drops free, sliding down her cheeks. Rainbow Dash lay under her, confused and scared, but eventually she spoke.

"Why'd yeh have to go an' do that, yeh damn foal?", she shouted into the pegasus' face, stomping her front hoof down beside her head. "Why!", it made her friend wince and close her eyes. Dash began to squirm again, trying to get away from the shouting and the stare. This had been a mistake. AppleJack held her pinned, stomping a hoof again to get her to stop trying to wiggle away. The impact of it next to her ear startled her and she snapped her head to the side, tears immediately spilling. "We can't be like that, Rainbow!"

With her voice cracking the flier tried to make it better, she wanted it to go away. "I-I'm sorr-" Crack. A sharp pain in her face sent her cheek to the dirt, vision blurring out for a moment. AppleJack had hit her, and not gently, she could taste blood. Slowly, she righted her head, raising a hoof to her swollen spot beneath her eye. All she could do was stare into the eyes of her attacker. She'd seen love there, she knew she had... Hadn't she? "...Why?", she asked, voice small and broken. Her eyes conveyed a special kind of hurt that forced her friend to break her stare and move off of her.

"Get out of here!", she yelled with her head hung. "We... We can't be like that...", the mare choked. A sob grew in her, "Even if I wanted it.", she added as she turned to look at her friend apologetically, but Dash was already gone.

~s~

With blood in her mouth and what she knew was a blackening eye, the pegasus trudged down the road from Sweet Apple Acres without even the spirit to use her wings. It was a weak pace with a pathetic gait, and short, apathetic steps. More than the bruise on her face stung the tears that streaked her coat. She'd been so gentle with that kiss, she didn't understand any of AppleJack's reaction, and she didn't want to. She just wanted it all to stop, so she didn't have to think anymore.

In the distance a certain purple unicorn was trotting toward her, initially ecstatic at the spot of cyan streaked with various hues from her mane, Twilight could tell from the shamed, broken walk that something was wrong with the other mare and had picked up her pace. Dash began to drift to the side of the road when she heard hoofclops coming toward her, she wouldn't even have looked up from the ground if she hadn't heard the bell attached to Twilight's new collar.

In that brief, surprised moment, they made eye contact, and without a word Rainbow admitted that she was hurting. Something she would normally be too proud to say. It was hard to see her that way, Twilight had always known her as the boldest and most unshakable among their herd. And there she stood, bruised much more than just physically.

Immediately Dash turned to look away, too ashamed to let the unicorn see her as she was, but she was followed by a friend who couldn't turn her back on her.

"Rainbow Dash?", her voice was sweet and inquisitive. "Rainbow, what happened? Why are you cry-"

"I'm not.", she snapped. She was strong, and brave. She didn't cry, right? Right? Twilight could feel herself wilting again, but she had to stick to it. Someone had to be loyal to the element of loyalty, didn't they?

"Rainbow...", she whispered and placed a foreleg across the mare's back. The winged pony seemed to shake under the touch, feathers ruffling as her head bowed and twisted, looking away.

Everything around the pair was silent, making the best attempts Rainbow Dash could muster to force her body to breathe normally and unstuff her nose all the more painfully obvious and poignant. "I'm fine.", it was a lie, but she didn't feel very close to honesty just then.

**-Author's notes-**

Sorry this takes me so long to write such short chapters. I'm really picky and rewrite a lot, or spend hours staring at what I have not producing anything noteworthy.

This is a fic focusing more on Twilight and Rainbow, but there will also be AppleJackery. I'm not content to do a single pairing with no conflict.

Thanks a great deal for the reviews, and please don't rape me.


	4. Sorry

"_Dear Princess Celestia, _

_ Is it really possible to hurt someone just by loving them...?"_

Rainbow Dash shook gently on occasion as she walked with her friend. It was an involuntary, spasmodic sort of movement that she hated. She hated how visible it was, and she hated more so that it was out of her control. The shifting of her mane and feathers and the sniffling sound it provoked from her grated on her nerves, especially whenever Twilight would look at her sympathetically. That drove her insane.

But she went with her friend, pointedly avoiding the gaze of her eyes. They seemed to deepen just a little anytime her gaze was inadvertently caught, forcing an almost invisible curve of the unicorn's lips at the same time. Rainbow Dash could see the exact thing in Twilight's eyes as she'd thought she'd seen in AppleJack's, and every time she saw it, it pained her. The longer the relative silence between them lasted, the worse, it got. Eventually, she knew she had to break it.

"I kissed her.", she said. It made her feel a bit better, stronger, like she was in control again. She inhaled sharply to clear her nose without another one of those pathetic sniffles she'd been making before and then tightened her muscles. Would Twilight hit her as well? She thought she might, and the pegasus was bracing herself.

"O-oh... Rainbow.", Twilight began, stammering a bit. It was a shock to her, wounding the softer part of her heart and giving her hope at the same time. "I didn't know you were..."

"That way?", Rainbow cut her off, half shouting the phase. She sounded angry when she said it, and turned her head to look at the unicorn who'd taken a step back. "Yeah, well. I am. And I thought she was too. Turns out I was wrong.", her head turned, displaying the prominent purple ring beneath her swollen eye and cheek. "Years of apple buckin'.", her best impression of her crush's voice, mixed with a hurt sneer. "Right?", despite her best effort, she found her posture slackening again. She could try to be angry, but it still hurt, and she just felt worse for it. Guilty.

Twilight opened her mouth but rather than speaking her voice just cracked, and she fell silent. She could feel herself shrinking under the pegasus' waning gaze. It had her thoroughly unnerved. "Is it that easy?", Rainbow Dash spat. "One kiss? And then... And then wham, get out?", she was shaking now, eyes thickening with unwanted tears. "Just 'cause I-Cause I'm... That way?", straightening again and swallowing hard, she stared right through the unicorn and asked one more question. "Did I hurt her _that_ badly...?"

What could Twilight say? She hadn't been there, didn't see, didn't know. She shuffled forward cautiously, pressing her cheek into the mare's neck and drawing her hoof over the top of her snout to try and calm her.

"Shhh..." The feel of her Rainbow's coat and mane on her cheek and brow brought her a small smile. But her friend was rigid, and a bit shaky. They parted quickly, with Dash staring at her questioningly. Twilight flushed crimson, wondering if she'd made things worse. "I'm s-", cut off.

"Would you hit me, too?", she asked her would-be comforter bluntly. Her head jerked from right to left and back rapidly. AppleJack had been just as close to her at times as Ms. Sparkle had been only a moment before, and the memory of it made her think of her friends' contrasting smells. Despite that closeness, with a single kiss she'd destroyed it. After all the things that had been said about the magic of friendship, Rainbow Dash felt in that moment like something so easily destroyed couldn't be very magical at all. She wanted to know if it had hurt so bad, if she could push away someone she cared about so simply. If it was worth the risk to care for someone else at all.

Setting her jaw and making up her mind, Rainbow Dash moved in and kissed Twilight Sparkle. It was nothing like what the former wanted in her first kiss. It was sudden, and almost forced, delivered by a pained and disheveled friend. One who looked just a little bit unhinged when she lunged forward. The pegasus' lips touched to hers without consent, but they softened to her after the initial shock. The contact was pleasing and bitter-sweet for the unicorn, whose colour deepened considerably, with her eyes falling shut just before her friend pulled away. She blinked earnestly and gave a weak, wordless smile to her 'assailant'. She was confused and flustered and her heart was pounding in her head.

Both seemed to wait silently in the wake of it, with Twilight becoming more and more nervous as time passed. She looked away frequently, pawing the dirt with her hoof and digging a small hole that expanded with every repetition. But she was smiling. Genuinely smiling.

Across from her, Rainbow found herself consoled by Twilight's demeanor. It was actually very similar to how she'd seen AppleJack behave in her own daydreams, while planning the caper that earned her the shiner that stung so badly a moment before. "Huh... Thanks, Twilight.", she whispered, her faith in their friendship reaffirmed. Then, she cautiously slid forward, nuzzling her snout against the purple mare's before turning and spreading her wings.

And then she was gone, and Twilight was left alone in the road, nervous, and confused, but happy.

~s~

She wanted to scream. She couldn't, of course. Big Mac and Grannysmith might hear. She couldn't do _any_ of the things she really wanted to just then. Even what she'd done hadn't been what she wanted. But it was too late for that, and all AppleJack could do was stomp her hooves and buck impotently. She stayed that way, throwing herself at the ground over and over like she could hurt it. She _wanted_ to. Wanted to pock and crater it. And then just lie there in a hole. But of course, that wouldn't do.

Instead the frustrated filly found herself trotting back toward the orchard with the full intent of bucking until she could buck no more. On the way however, she came across her hat, and the apple Rainbow Dash had knocked from her head. The smallish red and green fruit had rolled only a short way after impact, and upon inspection it was unbruised and pristine. Much like AppleJack herself. Rainbow had been gentle, if reckless. In truth she had been astonishingly careful, leaving even the fragile apple undamaged. Guilt rose in AppleJack's throat and she tried to swallow it while she replaced her hat. That apple was taken as an afterthought, held in her mouth.

From behind it, she groaned while she walked. Her mind was running off on her, and she knew it would be a long day of reminding, reprimanding, and scolding herself. She'd done wrong, and her conscience pulled no punches in letting her know. She knew she'd have to apologize. Whether her friend would even want to talk to her again was another story. She had to try. Eventually... But there was more on her mind than that.

Much as she hated to admit it, Rainbow Dash had made her blush in no small way with that kiss. And she'd liked it. Wanted it, really. Thought of it often. But they couldn't be that way. People would _talk._ But she began to wonder if she really cared. At the moment she was hurting much more over what she might have lost.

Worse still, what she'd done to someone she cared for. She slammed her eyes shut and shook her head just remembering it. It made her feel sick, and angry. Had she seen anyone else raise a hoof to Dash she'd have lost her mind. But when the girl she wanted came forward with it, she got mad, and why? Because she was that. A girl, another mare. It wasn't supposed to be that way, but that was how they both wanted it.

Before she even reached the orchard she collapsed to the dirt and spat the apple from her mouth, drawing down her hat to hide her eyes. It had been a tease. A maddening one. Loss, shame, guilt. She wanted to scream again. And she had no one to blame but herself. It was her fault, she'd been that way, she'd flirted with Rainbow Dash over, and over. She'd drawn out touches and given glances. She'd wanted it, and she'd destroyed it just as quickly because she hadn't wanted to want it.

"Ah, to hell wit'it.", she groaned, forcing herself up and skulking off. "Gonna find that rainbow colou'd filly and apologize iffin' it kills me.", her eyes shifted around, searching for any sign of Big Macintosh or Grannysmith. "An' it just might."

~s~

"Why, Angel. That is just so extremely wonderful.", cooed the meek, yellow toned pegasus. Her tiny, adorable, _evil_ bunny had painted a masterpiece. To her it was a masterpiece. To anyone else it was the distinctly morbid scrawl of a disturbed child, depicting a monster with gnashing teeth and fire in its eyes. But Fluttershy was _kind_ and _caring. _And she loved her Angel. "Maybe, add a little sun, and some clouds?", she suggested helpfully.

Knockknockknock. Her head snapped to the side, whipping her chalk-pink mane out infront of her in a start. With a nervous frown she strolled over to the door and whispered her greeting."Oh, uhm... Hello?", of course, no one on the other side of the door would've been able to hear that. But her friends were familiar enough with her to be helpful.

"Fluttershy? It's Rainbow Dash.", she heard, and immediately lit up, making her look just a touch less shy and demure. The door opened and she beamed up at her friend.

"Oh, hello Rainbow, I didn't know it was you. Come in! Angel bunny has been doing the most wonder...Wonder-wonder-fulpaintings... Oh dear, did you crash? Your eye is so swollen.", she remarked with the sort of genuine concern only she could work into her voice without coming across sarcastic. It made Rainbow Dash sigh.

With resignation she replied with a less than enthusiastic "Yeah...". It was close enough to the truth. "It actually really hurts, Fluttershy.", she'd have asked for her to look at it, but her friend was already dragging her inside. It made her smile weakly, and follow inside with a little less in the way of reluctance.

Over the course of the inspection, disinfection, and bandaging of her cheek, the pegasi mutually avoided eye contact. Fluttershy because she was Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash due to a mix of sadness and shame. Her eyes watered on occasion, and she waved it off each time. "It's fine, keep going...", she'd said and gone silent again. And again each time her friend questioned about it.

In the end, she found herself with a strip of fabric adhered to her cheek below the eye, which seemed unnecessary to her. But she _had_ gone to Fluttershy, so it seemed harmless enough to let her have her way. The bandage was embarrassing, sure. What was worse was the incessant hovering and ironic ability to totally overbear in the meekest way imaginable. Like a mother who insists you wear a sweater. If that's alright. Because she's worried. Irritation aside, Rainbow really appreciated it just then. Her friend, in her very thorough way, made her feel cared for. Which was what the filly needed. And it distracted her for the moment.

"Uhm... Rainbow, I was wondering.", Fluttershy began, while pawing at the floor and averting her gaze. She near immediately began to blush about what she was about to discuss. "...Whether you had somewhere to stay tonight." That. The matter of Dash's situation.

Rainbow shrank back, looking for the door. "Huh?", she groaned, as if she didn't know what her friend meant, and continued. "I was just gonna go home, y'know, to my a-awesome cloud castle.", there it was, pretention, and it wasn't very convincing. Rainbow Dash is fine, Rainbow Dash is cool, she's tough, and nothing is wrong, ever. That was how she wanted it to seem. Which was why of all her friends, only Fluttershy knew she was homeless.

"But it's made of clouds..." , her tiny voice nearly shrank back into her throat. The problem was that Fluttershy was a pegasus like herself, and she knew the nature of their interaction with clouds better than an earth pony or unicorn could. Ponies who took for granted that clouds were solid for pegasi rarely stopped to realize that this didn't make them solid for rain, or wind, or snow, or holding in heat. Rainbow Dash's 'cloud palace' was a useless construction she'd built for show out of the only thing she'd had handy. Clouds she'd wrangled from above Ponyville.

"That's all I need.", came the reply, but it was nervous, and Rainbow was backing away from her friend. This wasn't what she needed at all. She had to keep up appearances. Not be judged and seen for what she really was. A homeless, lying, homosexual. Hardly the image she wanted to put forward. Who could respect, or even accept that? To her mind, not many.

"But, Rainbow, you've been sleeping in trees ever since you were kicked out of flight school-", she found herself immediately cut off. Rainbow Dash snapped at that, her friend having pushed several of her buttons at once without even meaning to.

"I was **not** kicked out! I **left**.", she hissed, backing further away. It was much harsher than she should have been with a concerned friend. But especially Fluttershy, who bowed her head and began whispering barely audible apologies. Worse, it was another lie. It had been the last straw for her parents, and Rainbow had found herself quite alone in the world, which made the mention of it all the more painful. By the time she finally looked at her friend again, and saw what her tone had done, the regret tempered itself with the truth. With her illusions cracking, she found herself feeling that she wasn't who she pretended to be at all. Not someone worth the care she'd just received.

"Nonono...No, I'm sorry, I have to go...", she rambled out as she quickly turned tail and ran through the door, leaving it hanging open and attempting to disappear into the sky she'd cleared so diligently. Not a cloud left to hide her, and it was her own doing. How fitting.

Author's notes:

Dear lord, I'm sorry this took so long. I lost my ability to put words together in ways I didn't hate. Anyway, next chapter should be here Soon. Thanks again.


	5. Gravity

_ "Dear Princess Celestia,_

_I've met someone, a friend, who makes me feel like I'm floating. Weightless... But somehow that seems wrong."_

It had always been that way. She'd had the best intentions, and meant well the whole way along, and it had only come back to punish her each and every time. Frustrated and seething, she found herself curled up in a tree on the edge of the Everfree Forest. There, hiding herself from view, and reflecting on her past in a way she normally would avoid, she momentarily gave in to sadness.

She found herself sore and stinging over what had happened between herself and AppleJack, over how easy it was for Fluttershy to see through her facade, over the things that forced her to put on such a show in the first place. Pressing her hoof to the bandaged welt on her face to force the pain into her awareness she felt oddly homesick. The black eye felt so much like the one dear old dad had given her on the night she'd 'left' flight school. And home. That made her smile, but it was bitter, and sour looking. Not happy at all. She pressed more firmly against the wound, and it burned, she smiled hard until she finally choked, and a tear fell. It was the only one, though. This time. The memories of her parents and her youth had strengthened her resolve on that. Painful as they were, they reminded her why she was who she was. So one day she could go home, and they wouldn't be shamed.

It occured to her what a mess she'd made of things, what her friends must think of her. That within hours they'd know she was a lesbian, and if Fluttershy spoke up, out of _concern_ of course, they'd know she lacked a home. _Radical._ They wouldn't be proud, or respect her for it, instead they'd be disappointed, just like everyone else. The idea of that bothered her a lot more than her actual problems. Her jaw set at the thought of it, sob bitten off and swallowed. She decided that she would weather it, then. As she always had, and they'd get used to it. She'd prove herself to them. Again. As many times as she had to.

Dropping out of the tree she realized the shadows were getting long, and they she'd wasted most of her day. She was tired, and depressed, and angry, and bitter. It would have been easy to lie down and just let the plants grow over her until the dirt and roots swallowed her, but that was not the Rainbow Dash way. She hated losing. She hated worse to be seen losing. So, instead she took off at a gallop, back toward Ponyville. Her wings spread and she took off again, no longer concerned with who saw her. She quickly picked up speed, and with it came a sense of liberation.

The air dragging over her coat and feathers cooled the surface of her skin, making her feel numb and glassy. Like she was made of stone, impenetrable to what little worry could catch up to her. In truth, almost none could. Somewhere in the mix between speed and flight she was free from all of it, she felt powerful, and in control, like she could do anything. Now, rather than focusing on her problems and despairing, she thought of ways to carry on, setting her path ahead.

She pulled up sharply, shooting into the sky in a stream of vibrant colour, wondering to herself if she could set the course as fast as she'd been running it. Her wings beat hard, and she continued to climb higher. She was above the clouds, far above them when the air had begun to noticably thin. She just flew harder, her wings flapped faster, and the effort of it all forced her heart to thud powerfully to maintain herself. Higher, until her ears popped and then further still, until she couldn't breathe. And then she smiled and relaxed herself, stilling her wings, leaning back, and beginning to fall. It took a moment, her upward momentum slowly waning until she came to a stop, weightless for just a moment, and began to descend.

On her way down, her eyes closed, and her lungs burned. She needed air, her muscles ached and her heart slammed against her ribs in protest. But her mind and body remained mostly still as she spiralled toward the ground. She felt like she had a sense of how close it was. Even without looking, she didn't want to look, it was exciting not to know. The pressure returned in her ears, and her lungs found some taste of usable oxygen, but the speed at which she fell kept her from taking it in with proper breaths. With adrenaline surging through her system and forcing her muscles to twitch and shake, she wondered if this time she would pass out before she had a chance to pull up. Streaking toward the ground in a rapid spiral, Rainbow Dash smiled.

* * *

><p>Author's Notes;<p>

-Quotes at the beginning of chapters are not always in any chronological order or immediately relevant.

-I apologize for the brevity.


End file.
